


Undisclosed Desires

by steveandbucky



Series: Stucky Drabbles [15]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Porn, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sleeping Together, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:17:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2567921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steveandbucky/pseuds/steveandbucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky feels lost; Steve helps him find himself and together they re-establish the relationship they'd once had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undisclosed Desires

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Undisclosed Desires](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2653814) by [Cecilia_Stucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cecilia_Stucky/pseuds/Cecilia_Stucky)



> so this took me about 4-5 days to write? it's the first time i've worked so hard on a smutty ficlet! so i would seriously appreciate it if you left a comment if you enjoyed this :) also please excuse any mistakes, this has not been beta read by anyone else except myself.

 

A mental alarm goes off in his head as the digits of the clock on his bedside table turn to 3:00AM. It’s become familiar now, after so many months of staying awake past his usual bedtime, but he still dreads it, as he remembers the chill that run down his spine that very first night when he heard the screams.

Steve sits up in his bed and stares at his closed bedroom door; even if Bucky doesn’t knock on it after having yet another nightmare, even he sleeps soundly through the night, the memory of that first night when Steve had to hold him through the aftershocks of a vivid, horrifying dream still keeps Steve awake at nights. The only time he falls asleep right away, and Bucky sleeps undisturbed through the night, is when Bucky climbs into bed with him at night and curls around Steve protectively. Those are the good days, when Bucky seems to be comfortable with opening up and doesn’t shy away from the intimacy of the embrace of an old friend. Some days, though, he becomes silent and distant, resorting to the solidarity of his bedroom, with the door shut and locked.

Tonight is different. Steve feels restless as the silence grows around him and engulfs him in its terrible volume. Then he hears the knock, the familiar, faint sound of metallic knuckles tapping hesitantly against wood, and he jumps to his feet. He takes a deep breath and opens the door to find Bucky standing there, looking at him with dark, hollow eyes. He’s stripped down to his pajama bottoms but he’s not shivering, and there’s something different in his gaze, the way it bores through Steve’s sky blue eyes.

“Bucky-”

Steve doesn’t get a chance to even begin his sentence when Bucky takes a step forward, grabs him by the shoulders and kisses him hard on the mouth. Steve stands frozen in his spot for a moment – because yeah they’d slept together in the same bed, like before the war, but this? This was something they hadn’t done together; not since that one cold winter night in Europe, in the middle of nowhere. Hurried movements and hushed moans under a frail tent, unable to keep their hands off each other any longer and struggling to keep their affair a secret – quiet, Bucky, be quiet, they’ll hear us–

Bucky had found out about the true nature of their friendship weeks ago, when he’d asked Steve in passing, such a significant question asked so nonchalantly (“Were we lovers, before?”). Steve had answered honestly, he had no reason not to (“A long time ago. In another lifetime,”). They hadn’t talked about it after that brief conversation, and the flame that once burned between them remained unlit.

And now he’s standing in the doorway of his bedroom, Bucky’s lips locked with his, kissing him so fiercely like he’s suffocating and Steve’s his only source of air. Steve’s sinking further and further down with each passing moment, because he hasn’t even realized how forceful Bucky is being, pushing Steve down on his bed, almost ripping his t-shirt in half as he pulls it off. All he can think about is how much he’s missed this, the heat of their bodies tangled together, strong arms encompassing him, the sweet taste of Bucky’s mouth on his…

His mind awakes with a jolt and Steve pushes himself away. He sits up, leaning against his headboard and places a firm hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Stop,” he says breathlessly.

Bucky sits up and distances himself. “Did we not – do you not want me?”

The words feel like a knife twisting in his heart, because of course he wants Bucky, whatever Bucky will give him, all of him, every day and for the rest of his life. “I do. Of course I do. More than anything… but not like this.” Steve says, and his voice is softer now, knowing that it took every ounce of his willpower to not let things go any further.

He moves closer to Bucky and sits with each leg on either side of the man, helping Bucky to shift his position so that it mirror’s Steve’s. Steve takes in Bucky’s expression, a mixture of hurt and confusion, and kisses him lightly. “Please, let me,” he says as he kisses him. “Let me take care of you,”

Bucky seems to be uncomprehending at first, but slowly he relaxes and allows Steve to take control. He shivers at the tender touches against his bare skin and succumbs to the slow, deep kisses that bring a smile to his lips, like there’s something distantly familiar about them. Steve looks at him for a long moment, returns the smile and kisses him again. He moves from Bucky’s lips and trails faint kisses against the man’s jawline, then sucks his earlobe between his lips, kisses the spot under his ear. Bucky moans loudly and Steve smiles to himself, for the fact that he remembers all of Bucky’s sensitive spots after all those years that have passed. His hands curl in the brunet’s long hair and he tugs at it very lightly, and Bucky drops his head back, sighing, exposing his neck to Steve’s open-mouthed kisses and gentle bites along his neck and collarbone.

His hands start tugging at the drawstrings of Bucky’s pants and Steve shifts their positions again, so that Bucky’s sitting at the edge of the bed with his legs hanging down the side, and he’s on his knees in front of the man. His mouth wanders down Bucky’s chest and abdomen, loving the little sounds of pleasure that escape Bucky’s mouth as his tongue sweeps along the curve of his hipbones. Steve pulls down his pants and underwear, throwing them to one side. He looks up and holds Bucky’s gaze as he presses his lips gently along the shaft of his cock and wraps his hand around it, giving it a few slow strokes. Steve watches as Bucky starts shivering and grasping the bed sheets as Steve opens his mouth and twirls his tongue along the head.

“Steve…” Bucky breathes out, sounding like he’s on the verge of breaking down, with wide open eyes, and his mouth hanging slightly open.

Steve reaches up and grabs Bucky’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. “Hey,” he says softly and Bucky takes a deep breath.

He nods as a silent affirmation for Steve to continue and gasps loudly as Steve opens his mouth again and swallows him whole. He can’t help but watch as Steve takes him apart, with his hand and mouth working in perfect coordination, and the tricks he does with his tongue that make Bucky shudder and moan as the pleasure builds and builds. It sets his senses alight and overwhelms him. Feelings that had been buried deep down, long forgotten, are revived; where there was once pain, now there’s pleasure, and it’s strange but familiar, almost nostalgic, and everything hits him all at once and he feels like he will explode at any given moment without warning. Bucky presses his heels against the hard wooden floor, with one hand squeezing Steve’s hand and the other pressed against the man’s shoulder, Steve’s name falling from his mouth in a broken sob as he comes, his whole body shuddering. He’s completely gone, lost touch with reality, and he doesn’t ever want to come back down.

Steve swallows every last drop that spills in his mouth, and hurries to climb back in bed. He gathers Bucky in his arms and Bucky drops his head on the man’s shoulder and clings on to him. Steve holds him through the aftershocks, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair, and pressing soft kisses on his cheek.

“Shh, Bucky, you’re okay, you’re okay,”

“Steve?” Bucky chokes out brokenly and looks up at him.

Steve doesn’t miss the faint trace of tears on the corner of his eyes; he wipes them away with his thumb. “Yeah, Buck, I’m here. What is it?”

Bucky shakes his head as he falls with his back on the bed, but Steve is next to him right away. “Why are you so good to me,” Bucky mumbles somewhat incoherently, and it’s not a question he needs answered.

“I love you.”

Bucky swings his head to meet Steve’s eye. The words don’t settle easily on him. “You love me? Me, for who I am today? Or who you knew me as, before?”

“Bucky…” Steve says, and he sounds pained. “I love you for whoever you used to be, whoever you are now, and whoever you may be in the future.” He wraps his arms around Bucky and pulls him close. “Nothing you do will ever change how I feel about you.” He murmurs against Bucky’s forehead before kissing it lightly.

Bucky shivers in his arms again. “You’re too good to me, Steve, and I don’t deserve it,” he won’t look Steve in the eye, but Steve is not forcing him to.

“You’re wrong,” Steve says simply. Bucky makes a quiet questioning sound and Steve shrugs in response. “You’re a hero, Bucky Barnes. You’re _my_ hero, and you deserve so much more than I can give you.”

Bucky frowns up at him, his eyes searching Steve’s for a second before he breaks away from the embrace and rolls over to lie on his stomach, almost turning his back against Steve. The blond sighs, realizing that Bucky’s closing up again, returning to his shell, and it’ll be harder to draw him out now. They lay in the silence for a long moment, while Steve thinks about his next move, when Bucky speaks up again.

“Do you mean that, what you said?”

Steve sighs softly; he drags his fingers along Bucky’s back and leans over to press kisses between his shoulder blades. “Every word,” he breathes, wiling for his words to be accepted, believed, for them to change how Bucky thinks of himself – though he knows that’s not how things work. All he can do is give Bucky everything he can, and wait for him to meet him halfway.

So he rolls over, balancing himself on his arms and he starts kissing Bucky’s bare skin, across his shoulders and down his spine. “Let me, please,” he murmurs near his ear. “I want to show you how much you mean to me. How much I love you,”

Bucky sighs contentedly and Steve takes it as a good sign if there ever was one. He discards the rest of his clothing right away, and climbs over Bucky, pressing their naked bodies together. He lets his hands roam all over Bucky’s, and snakes one around his waist, reaching over to wrap around his cock again, a little surprised and pleased to find that Bucky’s hard again. Steve starts stroking him slowly, while dropping small kisses on his neck, along his stubbly jawline and finding his lips again as soon as Bucky turns on his back, facing him.

“Steve-” Bucky’s voice is muffled by Steve’s lips crashing on his, kissing him hungrily.

“Please,” Steve is breathless when they break apart. He’s lost in a whirlpool of his own emotions, because this is them, him and Bucky together again, the way he wanted them to be for so long, open and honest, and he’s missed the warmth of Bucky’s arms around him, that special kind of intimacy they shared in secret all those years ago.

Bucky looks at him for a long moment. He drags his fingers through Steve’s messy hair, grabs his neck and pulls him forward, kissing him again. “Go on then,” he says, a hint of a smile curling the corners of his mouth. “Show me what you’ve got, punk,”

Steve growls in his ear. He pins Bucky’s hands above his head and grinds against his hips, messy, desperate moves to which Bucky responds just as hard. Steve lets go and wanders downwards with his mouth, as his hands slide down Bucky’s thighs and push them open. He looks at Bucky as he licks a finger, circles it around his rim and pushes it inside slowly, then he adds a second and third, working him open little by little. Bucky’s mouth is running wild, moaning and swearing breathlessly as he starts pushing back, fucking himself on Steve’s fingers, begging for Steve to hurry up already.

Steve smirks as he watches him, because God, he loves Bucky like this, with his damp hair clinging to his forehead, his chest rising and falling unsteadily as he tries to catch his breath, practically begging Steve to fuck him. He sits up and wraps Bucky’s legs around his waist, positioning himself appropriately but not making the final move just yet. He wraps a hand around his own cock and circles it around Bucky’s rim, teasing him a little more. Bucky groans in frustration and pushes Steve inside him using his legs and then groans even louder. Steve falls forward, barely balancing himself by grabbing on to the headboard; his mind is blank for a second because all he can focus on is how wonderful it feels to be inside Bucky, so warm and tight.

“Why did you do that?” He asks when he recovers. Bucky shrugs, smirking at him.

“You were teasing me. I wanted you inside me.”

Steve doesn’t buy it. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” Bucky swallows hard, because Steve is giving him that concerned look again, and he doesn’t need that right now. He pulls Steve down and crashes their mouths together. “Now move,” he says with an upward push of his hips which makes Steve groan again.

They move together, building up a slow rhythm between them, but it’s rough and desperate, with Steve thrusting in hard, but not fast, and Bucky scratching at Steve’s back and pulling him closer. Hungry, muffled kisses in between loud, breathless moans; the flame is relit, stronger and brighter than ever and it burns them entirely, soul and body alike. There’s pleasure and pain and something in between and Steve shakes as he feels his orgasm building up. He watches Bucky fall apart once again underneath him, but there’s something different about it now, like he feels safer with Steve towering over him. Steve comes hard, gasping as he does, with Bucky’s name falling from his mouth like it’s a sacred word, and Bucky clings on to that sound, memorizes it.

They lay facing each other, sweaty and breathless and smiling blissfully, as if nothing else matters in that moment except the two of them. Bucky chuckles and pokes him. “I think we should make this a daily thing,”

Steve grins, his heart swelling with emotion; he hasn’t seen Bucky that happy for a very long time, perhaps before the war. “Really? Daily?” he asks, playing along.

“Why not?” Bucky shrugs. “Unless…you’re not up to the challenge, Captain Rogers?”

Steve shifts closer to him. “Keep up that attitude and I’ll have you on the ropes, Sergeant Barnes.”


End file.
